Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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