apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I FOUND THE LEGS
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
