Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
