Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
