I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
