Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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