Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
