im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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