note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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