Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
