That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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