Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
