I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
