I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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