My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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