Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
