You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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