If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
