What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
