when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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