he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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