is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
