well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
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I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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