so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
