if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Success! We fucked roommates!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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