Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
