Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
