did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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