where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
