I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
