It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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