tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
