M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
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You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
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this hospital has no fireball
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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