A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
