Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Randomize