Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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