i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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