I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
