today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
