She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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