You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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