You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
