Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
