I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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