the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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