The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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