is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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