I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
