Nicole vs. Life
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I need mimosas to revive my soul
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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