I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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