i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
