I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Found your dick twin last night
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
