Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
