i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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