I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
