He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
