I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
