; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
