She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
did you just send me my own nude
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
