No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
