My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
