nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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