If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
